I have no idea how this is happening or why, but Internet Boyfriend is amazing. He appears to be Emotionally Available. Clearly, I have no clue how to process this. He is attentive (via text, LOL) and considerate. He is challenging me to communicate and show up and to speak my truth. Our history is full of attraction and what I can now only explain now as a desire to be together yet neither one of us had the balls back then to just say so. Maybe this is ridiculous. Or perhaps it’s one of those amazing love stories all women dream of. I don’t know.
All I know is right now he sure feels like Prince Charming. I was a mess, and he rescued me. The Boss really did a number on me, but if that had not happened, I would not be here with Internet Boyfriend.
He is a spectacular artist. Always was. That’s how I remember him in both high school and college. The night I busted The Boss, Internet Boyfriend was there for me. We IM’d for 3 hours, and 3 hours again the next night. We talked about everything. He’s deep, but funny, honest but not needy.
During our conversations, he was actually interested in some of my psycho-spiritual babble. Ultimately this type of awareness defines who I am. Anyone really close to me knows this and embraces this, but not the men that I date. I know that that right there shows my own emotional deficiency… but perhaps I’m transforming that.
After our 3 hour conversations, a few nights in a row he drew me a picture, based on one of the sacred teachings I shared with him. He called it Divine Timing. Whoa!
It is an amazing pencil drawing that must have taken him hours upon hours.
He sent it to me, and I was blown away.
It is of a Divine Eye, inside a heart and the heart is inside two circles that are connecting. He said it represents us, and what has happened between us over the past few days. Hello! I love symbolism. I live, thrive and feel the world based on symbolic sight. Does he also see the world this way?
So I wrote him this:
Divine Timing is the reality that everything happens exactly as it should for our souls evolution. It allows us to recognize all of the many blessings that have helped us to find our way here. It also acknowledges our struggles as gifts and challengers as angels, all here to shape us. That every single experience has carried a necessary and sacred lesson so that we can be right here, right now.
In Divine Timing, we can truly open up, because there are no expectations. No agendas. It is simply two friends, two souls, two hearts who have stumbled upon a rare moment where it is possible for you to be you and me to be me.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
He Fucking Cheated On Me
I still can’t believe it. I’m in shock.
How did I not see this coming?
Usually my intuition is right on, I have always known before. But not this time.
He invited me to his house, but when I got there he wasn’t even home. He has never made we wait around for him before. I’m not that kind of girl. Way to much going on in my own life.
Yet, here I am.
When he doesn’t answer the door, I call him, even though he had just called me 30 minutes before and told me to come on over now. He answered, and told me to go ahead in, that he’d only be a minute. So, in I go.
Straight to the bathroom, only to find an empty toilet paper roll, so a a few shakes and a drip dry later, I am throwing away the empty toilet paper roll in the kitchen trash and that is when I see it.
A used condom and torn wrapper in the otherwise empty trash bag.
WTF…………….
My heart races, my mind searches frantically for a reasonable explanation, but nothing comes to mind. The truth of the fact is that he must have JUST had someone else over. When? I hung with him 2 days ago, we spoke on the phone 2x yesterday. Was it in between the times he called me, or worse could it have been today? I saw him during the day, but we went our separate ways for a few hours.
Who could it be?
Is it someone I know?
Someone he’s been seeing all along?
Did he go out and pick up some floozy?
How can he do this to me. I call my best friend, and cant stop saying, “holy shit!”
I talk to her, we play it all out, and she asks me “Where is he?”.
That is a good freakin’ question!
I am now waiting 40 minutes. Again, WTF.
Do I stay and wait so I can confront him?
I can’t decide if I want to cry, throw up or trash his apartment.
I decide, that I can not wait another minute, even though I’d love to see his face when I ask him about this. Right now I just feel so stupid so I’m out of here.
So I take the garbage bag, and rip it open. I lay it right on the bed with that dirty ass rubber staring right up at him. Out the door I go.
I’m nearly home, when he calls. I can’t answer, I’m crying hysterically on the phone with my girlfriend. I feel so betrayed.
When I check the message, he only says “hey, why aren’t you answering your phone?”, and I can tell by the sound of his voice that he still doesn’t even know that I found it and that I am no longer waiting in his place. That bastard is still not home.
By that time, I would have been waiting over an hour.
Once, I’m home I settle in. A glass of wine or two, and I need to do do something to keep my mind busy. Hello Facebook. Perhaps some superficial banter can keep me from tormenting myself mentally for being the very thing I despise.
A weak woman. A victim.
But I guess it is the moments when we are the most vulnerable that we are able to receive the support and unconditional compassion from others.
That night out of no where an angel appeared.
An old friend from high school & college. A man, I used to see. We had Facebook chatted a few times, just to catch up over the past few months, but this time we really talked.
Three hours of IM, about love, life and everything else.
I’m not sure how or why, but in just those three hours I had more intimacy with this man whom I haven’t seen in almost 14 years and who lives 1000 miles away, then I ever reached in 3 months of dating The Boss.
Enter the Internet Boyfriend.
I have no idea if this is just a Divine Intervention or perhaps distraction.
But I'm very grateful for the company.
OHHH, and The Boss never even called me. No explanation at all. I text him the next day “You have nothing to say to me?”. And apparently he doesn’t because he never answered.
What a pussy. This speaks volumes about what kind of man he is.
A weak, pathetic and selfish one.
He was clearly not my King!
How did I not see this coming?
Usually my intuition is right on, I have always known before. But not this time.
He invited me to his house, but when I got there he wasn’t even home. He has never made we wait around for him before. I’m not that kind of girl. Way to much going on in my own life.
Yet, here I am.
When he doesn’t answer the door, I call him, even though he had just called me 30 minutes before and told me to come on over now. He answered, and told me to go ahead in, that he’d only be a minute. So, in I go.
Straight to the bathroom, only to find an empty toilet paper roll, so a a few shakes and a drip dry later, I am throwing away the empty toilet paper roll in the kitchen trash and that is when I see it.
A used condom and torn wrapper in the otherwise empty trash bag.
WTF…………….
My heart races, my mind searches frantically for a reasonable explanation, but nothing comes to mind. The truth of the fact is that he must have JUST had someone else over. When? I hung with him 2 days ago, we spoke on the phone 2x yesterday. Was it in between the times he called me, or worse could it have been today? I saw him during the day, but we went our separate ways for a few hours.
Who could it be?
Is it someone I know?
Someone he’s been seeing all along?
Did he go out and pick up some floozy?
How can he do this to me. I call my best friend, and cant stop saying, “holy shit!”
I talk to her, we play it all out, and she asks me “Where is he?”.
That is a good freakin’ question!
I am now waiting 40 minutes. Again, WTF.
Do I stay and wait so I can confront him?
I can’t decide if I want to cry, throw up or trash his apartment.
I decide, that I can not wait another minute, even though I’d love to see his face when I ask him about this. Right now I just feel so stupid so I’m out of here.
So I take the garbage bag, and rip it open. I lay it right on the bed with that dirty ass rubber staring right up at him. Out the door I go.
I’m nearly home, when he calls. I can’t answer, I’m crying hysterically on the phone with my girlfriend. I feel so betrayed.
When I check the message, he only says “hey, why aren’t you answering your phone?”, and I can tell by the sound of his voice that he still doesn’t even know that I found it and that I am no longer waiting in his place. That bastard is still not home.
By that time, I would have been waiting over an hour.
Once, I’m home I settle in. A glass of wine or two, and I need to do do something to keep my mind busy. Hello Facebook. Perhaps some superficial banter can keep me from tormenting myself mentally for being the very thing I despise.
A weak woman. A victim.
But I guess it is the moments when we are the most vulnerable that we are able to receive the support and unconditional compassion from others.
That night out of no where an angel appeared.
An old friend from high school & college. A man, I used to see. We had Facebook chatted a few times, just to catch up over the past few months, but this time we really talked.
Three hours of IM, about love, life and everything else.
I’m not sure how or why, but in just those three hours I had more intimacy with this man whom I haven’t seen in almost 14 years and who lives 1000 miles away, then I ever reached in 3 months of dating The Boss.
Enter the Internet Boyfriend.
I have no idea if this is just a Divine Intervention or perhaps distraction.
But I'm very grateful for the company.
OHHH, and The Boss never even called me. No explanation at all. I text him the next day “You have nothing to say to me?”. And apparently he doesn’t because he never answered.
What a pussy. This speaks volumes about what kind of man he is.
A weak, pathetic and selfish one.
He was clearly not my King!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
There must be something with the name
It just now occurred to me... the very "name" I gave him, shows a breakthrough in my seemingly narrow approach to men. I have always overachieved & overpowered every man I have ever dated. As I now look at the symbolism of this name, I realize that I am empowering him. Not me? Whoa! For the first time, I 'm allowing the man in my life to be powerful.
Does this mean I am not afraid he will be The Boss of me.
Or perhaps, I'm hoping he will be?
Does this mean I am not afraid he will be The Boss of me.
Or perhaps, I'm hoping he will be?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Strong enough to Surrender
I know. I haven’t written in a while and it isn’t because there is nothing going on.
To the contrary. The big picture revelation is that I can’t even commit to an opinion.
Not about my relationship to The Boss, anyway.
Each day, each experience and I change my mind again. It’s a constant conversation with myself. But my pattern thus far is that If he doesn’t behave exactly the way I want him to, then I'm not going to stay. I can be gone in just one second, and I know, I have let him know as much. It’s such a fine line between me being treated with love and respect and me demanding it through manipulation and threats. Whoa! I’ve think I’ve been here before.
A beautiful friend; a teacher of mine once told me that the definition of the word insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different resolution.
In order to connect with my king, I must shift my focus off of what he is doing and onto what it is that I am doing. Perhaps then the pattern can change. Because, ultimately I am the common denominator in all of my failed relationships.
Actually, let me immediately strike that. Or rather transform that thought. I am grateful for each and every relationship from my past.
But, now what I need to look at is... Am I pulling that same controlling shit again?
I’m sure it’s no coincidence that all of my ex’s have accused me of doing that. Am I rushing things? Or placing unrealistic expectations on The Boss?
What if I instead choose to see what he is doing right?
I like this man. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him, but I would like to continue to explore the possibility. So I put myself out there again and spoke from my heart. This time my truth came through with a different tone.
Instead of “I am a goddess and I need to be treated as such! And if you don’t, I will shut you out.” Snap.
(Clearly that approach has yet to lead me into the fulfilling partnership I seek)
This time I say, “I want to keep seeing you, if you want to keep seeing me. And, I’m sorry if I get demanding. It’s just that I am looking for someone who really wants to care about me. And, I guess I freak out sometimes when I question if you do or not. If you like me, then I need you to show me a little bit more. Treat me like your lady, because I’d like to treat you like my man. You see, I’m tired of protecting myself from you. I’m ready to see what happens if I allow myself to be vulnerable. To trust that I am going to be protected by you.
And, if you protect me...I’d like to take care of you.”
Now, I’m sure that I wasn’t quite as simple and clear with him as I am here. But, I have a feeling he heard me anyway.
Even though he is still quiet and doesn’t tell me regularly how much he adores me, I know that he does.
Last night after a lovely dinner out, he held me tight as we watched the movie “Sex and the City”... which he actually bought.
Do I really need more proof than that?
To the contrary. The big picture revelation is that I can’t even commit to an opinion.
Not about my relationship to The Boss, anyway.
Each day, each experience and I change my mind again. It’s a constant conversation with myself. But my pattern thus far is that If he doesn’t behave exactly the way I want him to, then I'm not going to stay. I can be gone in just one second, and I know, I have let him know as much. It’s such a fine line between me being treated with love and respect and me demanding it through manipulation and threats. Whoa! I’ve think I’ve been here before.
A beautiful friend; a teacher of mine once told me that the definition of the word insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different resolution.
In order to connect with my king, I must shift my focus off of what he is doing and onto what it is that I am doing. Perhaps then the pattern can change. Because, ultimately I am the common denominator in all of my failed relationships.
Actually, let me immediately strike that. Or rather transform that thought. I am grateful for each and every relationship from my past.
But, now what I need to look at is... Am I pulling that same controlling shit again?
I’m sure it’s no coincidence that all of my ex’s have accused me of doing that. Am I rushing things? Or placing unrealistic expectations on The Boss?
What if I instead choose to see what he is doing right?
I like this man. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him, but I would like to continue to explore the possibility. So I put myself out there again and spoke from my heart. This time my truth came through with a different tone.
Instead of “I am a goddess and I need to be treated as such! And if you don’t, I will shut you out.” Snap.
(Clearly that approach has yet to lead me into the fulfilling partnership I seek)
This time I say, “I want to keep seeing you, if you want to keep seeing me. And, I’m sorry if I get demanding. It’s just that I am looking for someone who really wants to care about me. And, I guess I freak out sometimes when I question if you do or not. If you like me, then I need you to show me a little bit more. Treat me like your lady, because I’d like to treat you like my man. You see, I’m tired of protecting myself from you. I’m ready to see what happens if I allow myself to be vulnerable. To trust that I am going to be protected by you.
And, if you protect me...I’d like to take care of you.”
Now, I’m sure that I wasn’t quite as simple and clear with him as I am here. But, I have a feeling he heard me anyway.
Even though he is still quiet and doesn’t tell me regularly how much he adores me, I know that he does.
Last night after a lovely dinner out, he held me tight as we watched the movie “Sex and the City”... which he actually bought.
Do I really need more proof than that?
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Truth = Empowerment!
Another day of disappointment, and I realize that, this is just who he is.
Wow! How sad for him? He’d rather spend the whole day alone working and the night out in a titty bar, then be with me and my friends for the holiday. Again, how sad for him. My heart breaks just a little, and a little of that little is for me. But mostly i feel sorry for him.
Maybe this guy is a wounded bird? Either way, don’t matter. I can't date a guy I feel sorry for. And besides, his actions speak loud and clear.
I do not want to be with a man who is cold and shut down. Hell No!
When I re-read over the job description, no where in there does it say my king is anti-social.
Fuck this. I’m out!
So I tell him.
“This isn’t really working for me. I think its best if we just move on now. You see MY man, would want to be with me on the holidays. He is generous, kind and loving.”
Then he called me a Diva.
So I said, “ I’m not a Diva, but I am looking for love. Now, obviously I don’t expect for us to be in love after only 2 months. But I do need to see that that may be a possibility in the future. And, this…. is not leading there.”
He hung up on me, and I cried a little. I don’t think I cried because I’m sad that this is over. I think it was an emotional release that spontaneously erupted, once I spoke my truth. I mean to say to a man your seeing “I’m looking for love”. In the single world, that's some crazy shit.
We as women have been trained by men to behave as though we don’t care and are not looking for something serious. When most of us are. We have been trained to believe that the fastest way to lose your man is to tell him that you want to fall in love.
Well you know what...I'm done with that shit.
I want to fall in love, get married and have babies.
I am not afraid to admit it.
The more I write about it here, the more confident I get.
And, when the time is right, with confidence and grace, I can be woman enough to admit it to men. Because the position I’m trying to fill is full time with a long contract.
And I am looking for serious applicants ONLY.
All in all, I sit here even more grateful.
In my search for my divine king, I actually get closer and closer to the queen in me.
It is completely divine that my search for love would bring me into the arms of me.
Wow! How sad for him? He’d rather spend the whole day alone working and the night out in a titty bar, then be with me and my friends for the holiday. Again, how sad for him. My heart breaks just a little, and a little of that little is for me. But mostly i feel sorry for him.
Maybe this guy is a wounded bird? Either way, don’t matter. I can't date a guy I feel sorry for. And besides, his actions speak loud and clear.
I do not want to be with a man who is cold and shut down. Hell No!
When I re-read over the job description, no where in there does it say my king is anti-social.
Fuck this. I’m out!
So I tell him.
“This isn’t really working for me. I think its best if we just move on now. You see MY man, would want to be with me on the holidays. He is generous, kind and loving.”
Then he called me a Diva.
So I said, “ I’m not a Diva, but I am looking for love. Now, obviously I don’t expect for us to be in love after only 2 months. But I do need to see that that may be a possibility in the future. And, this…. is not leading there.”
He hung up on me, and I cried a little. I don’t think I cried because I’m sad that this is over. I think it was an emotional release that spontaneously erupted, once I spoke my truth. I mean to say to a man your seeing “I’m looking for love”. In the single world, that's some crazy shit.
We as women have been trained by men to behave as though we don’t care and are not looking for something serious. When most of us are. We have been trained to believe that the fastest way to lose your man is to tell him that you want to fall in love.
Well you know what...I'm done with that shit.
I want to fall in love, get married and have babies.
I am not afraid to admit it.
The more I write about it here, the more confident I get.
And, when the time is right, with confidence and grace, I can be woman enough to admit it to men. Because the position I’m trying to fill is full time with a long contract.
And I am looking for serious applicants ONLY.
All in all, I sit here even more grateful.
In my search for my divine king, I actually get closer and closer to the queen in me.
It is completely divine that my search for love would bring me into the arms of me.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
What the hell is really going on?
Two days pass by and The Boss doesn’t call. Funny thing is, I don’t really mind so much. After only a few weeks, I find myself a little bored. What do we have to talk about.? I tell him I saw a great movie, he says “yeah”, and thats it. I tell him I am away for the night visiting my family and he says “ oh, ok. Call me when you get back”. But thats it. Nothings else. Is he not interested in my life? Why doesn’t he ask what were doing or how its going? It seems like we’ve already slipped into a stage that is full of one word answers and periods of empty feeling silences. What’s really going on here?
I contemplate this at night, staring up at the ceiling desperately needing to sleep. Yet there I am lingering in a state where I am no longer sure if this desperation is about the current lack of sleep or if it’s the continual and numbing desperation for love. I am seeing someone, yet I am still desperately awaiting my King.
I’m not sure if The Boss is simply not the one, or if I am just so fucked up, that I’m not fully showing up. Only a month ago, we were crazy for each other, and now its drab and distant. Did I create this? Perhaps I’m too guarded? Too shut down? Am I afraid to invest my heart, because ultimately I don’t trust that he will do the same? Is he emotionally distant because he’s just not that into me? Or is he guarded and unsure?
I would normally say, he’s just not that into me, but when looking back at my own actions, I’m not sure that I have shown him that I’m willing to give it a true attempt. Honestly, I’m not sure I can with him. Is it that I’m not that into him, or will this shit be my M.O. with all men? Am I fucking it up?
Maybe I am. I don’t want to make excuses for him not being as attentive and affectionate as I would like. And believe me, I’m very quick to point out a man’s faults. But, then again, I’m still seeing other men. The Lawyer, has been calling again, and I am still interested in him. With The Lawyer the conversations are intriguing. He is a little goofy, but I like it. Then there is the Thug. He’s not really a thug, but he has what I call “the funk” going on & that I find so attractive. We haven’t even gone out yet but have had a chemistry for quite some time.
The question is, If I went for it, actually gave my heart to The Boss, could it end in happily ever after? If I expressed my thoughts and feelings, authentically and without shame? If I stopped dating other men? If I let down my wall? Would he love me?
I contemplate this at night, staring up at the ceiling desperately needing to sleep. Yet there I am lingering in a state where I am no longer sure if this desperation is about the current lack of sleep or if it’s the continual and numbing desperation for love. I am seeing someone, yet I am still desperately awaiting my King.
I’m not sure if The Boss is simply not the one, or if I am just so fucked up, that I’m not fully showing up. Only a month ago, we were crazy for each other, and now its drab and distant. Did I create this? Perhaps I’m too guarded? Too shut down? Am I afraid to invest my heart, because ultimately I don’t trust that he will do the same? Is he emotionally distant because he’s just not that into me? Or is he guarded and unsure?
I would normally say, he’s just not that into me, but when looking back at my own actions, I’m not sure that I have shown him that I’m willing to give it a true attempt. Honestly, I’m not sure I can with him. Is it that I’m not that into him, or will this shit be my M.O. with all men? Am I fucking it up?
Maybe I am. I don’t want to make excuses for him not being as attentive and affectionate as I would like. And believe me, I’m very quick to point out a man’s faults. But, then again, I’m still seeing other men. The Lawyer, has been calling again, and I am still interested in him. With The Lawyer the conversations are intriguing. He is a little goofy, but I like it. Then there is the Thug. He’s not really a thug, but he has what I call “the funk” going on & that I find so attractive. We haven’t even gone out yet but have had a chemistry for quite some time.
The question is, If I went for it, actually gave my heart to The Boss, could it end in happily ever after? If I expressed my thoughts and feelings, authentically and without shame? If I stopped dating other men? If I let down my wall? Would he love me?
Friday, November 14, 2008
All I need... from A to A.
As a single, successful and sexy woman living in Miami, I have adapted a particular lifestyle. The type of lifestyle that includes a condo on the water, plenty of dinners out, travel a few times a year and a shoe fetish that has caused me to turn my empty food pantry into a shoe display that would rival Macys. (Actually, the closet is a bit ghetto rigged, after all it is a pantry, so maybe it would resemble more the shoe aisle at Marshalls. Not christmas Marshalls, but not Macys.) Anyway, this is a lifestyle that I have created for myself. I am the one who meets all of my needs and desires. There are no sugar daddys, or any real daddys for that matter, that are footing the bill.
I have learned how to weave my way through this world completely by myself. I don’t ask anyone for anything. Now, true, this may seem a bit cold or shut down, and if you know me you would know I am anything but. What I’m trying to say is that I have the capabilities to take care of myself, and often many others. That my search for Mr. Right is not so that I can have someone take care of me. It’s so that I can have someone to appreciate and care for.
All I need from my man is 2 simple things.
I can take care of my house, my car, my shopping desires.
I can take myself out to dinner and pay for my own trips to the salon.
I can change a tire (Don’t want to but can if I have to).
I can even get myself off better than anyone else can.
The only things I need from my man are Affection and Adoration.
Affection is something I can not give myself.
It’s when he puts his arm around me as we walk down the street.
The gentle kisses on my neck.
The sitting in the same side of the booth as me, ‘cause across the table is too damn far.
It’s the physical expression of the chemistry he feels for me and it shows through his attention to me.
Adoration is something I (and every other girl) must have from my man.
The way I will know he adores me is by the gestures he makes.
It’s the opening of doors.
The flowers for no reason.
The fact that he calls regularly and is genuinely interested in how I am doing.
A man who adores me always goes above and beyond for my birthday.
He is motivated by the way I light up when he surprises.
A man who always treats me like his special lady, his dream girl.
After all, aren’t I his dream girl.
I am intelligent, beautiful, successful, and strong.
I am loving, compassionate and funny.
I am creative and sexy, and genuinely happy.
And, I’m independent.
How many women like this come around and only ask for 2 simple things?
Especially in Miami.
If what I’m asking for, is asking way too much from you, than I say we walk away now. Because these are non-negotiable criteria. And, if you think I’m a diva, just wait till you go out with the woman who expects Gucci shoes, an Audi and a new set of boobs.
I have learned how to weave my way through this world completely by myself. I don’t ask anyone for anything. Now, true, this may seem a bit cold or shut down, and if you know me you would know I am anything but. What I’m trying to say is that I have the capabilities to take care of myself, and often many others. That my search for Mr. Right is not so that I can have someone take care of me. It’s so that I can have someone to appreciate and care for.
All I need from my man is 2 simple things.
I can take care of my house, my car, my shopping desires.
I can take myself out to dinner and pay for my own trips to the salon.
I can change a tire (Don’t want to but can if I have to).
I can even get myself off better than anyone else can.
The only things I need from my man are Affection and Adoration.
Affection is something I can not give myself.
It’s when he puts his arm around me as we walk down the street.
The gentle kisses on my neck.
The sitting in the same side of the booth as me, ‘cause across the table is too damn far.
It’s the physical expression of the chemistry he feels for me and it shows through his attention to me.
Adoration is something I (and every other girl) must have from my man.
The way I will know he adores me is by the gestures he makes.
It’s the opening of doors.
The flowers for no reason.
The fact that he calls regularly and is genuinely interested in how I am doing.
A man who adores me always goes above and beyond for my birthday.
He is motivated by the way I light up when he surprises.
A man who always treats me like his special lady, his dream girl.
After all, aren’t I his dream girl.
I am intelligent, beautiful, successful, and strong.
I am loving, compassionate and funny.
I am creative and sexy, and genuinely happy.
And, I’m independent.
How many women like this come around and only ask for 2 simple things?
Especially in Miami.
If what I’m asking for, is asking way too much from you, than I say we walk away now. Because these are non-negotiable criteria. And, if you think I’m a diva, just wait till you go out with the woman who expects Gucci shoes, an Audi and a new set of boobs.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
He Aint No Wounded Bird
You know what I like about the boss, right now.?
It’s that he handles his own man business.
He is certainly not a Wounded Bird.
As I look back on my previous relationships, the long ones where I was really and truly in love, the commonality was always that those men were all Wounded Birds.
A Wounded Bird , melts your heart. They are so grateful to have you in their lives, taking care of their needs, and tending to their wounds (weather those wounds are emotional, financial, physical or habitat related). The Wounded Bird needs constant support and nurturing.
The woman who takes in the Wounded Bird offer a serious, extremely exclusive and unwaveringly loyal love. She will actually “get off” on taking care of the sweet, innocent, needy little bird. She will build him up, nurse him back to health and always hold in her heart that one day this little Wounded Bird will grow strong (and grow up).
That he will eventually become the Soaring Eagle she has always know he CAN be.
And, she’s usually right. After years of emotional (and often financial) investment, one day that Wounded Bird realizes that he has re-cooperated fully. He spreads his wings, and they are glorious in width and grace. Full of bright color and permeating with confidence and anticipation. She watches his empowerment, continuing to encourage him with admiration and a heart full of pride. She actually feels blessed to have been a part of this beautiful transformation. She beams with love and a feeling of accomplishment because now this Wounded Bird believes in himself as much as she has always believed in him.
With his revived spirit and powerful belief in himself (as well as the continued support of his woman) this newly restored lttle bird, takes flight. He flies with awe and inspiration. Beautifully. Jubilantly. He remembers how good it feels to spread his wings.
To have complete freedom. To be a Soaring Eagle.
And without looking back, intentionally or not, this Soaring Eagle flies away.
And as he does, he shits all over the woman.
****I did not make up the theory of the Wounded Bird, I have no idea who did, but I’m happy to share this wisdom. And am happier to not be nursing any birds rights now.****
It’s that he handles his own man business.
He is certainly not a Wounded Bird.
As I look back on my previous relationships, the long ones where I was really and truly in love, the commonality was always that those men were all Wounded Birds.
A Wounded Bird , melts your heart. They are so grateful to have you in their lives, taking care of their needs, and tending to their wounds (weather those wounds are emotional, financial, physical or habitat related). The Wounded Bird needs constant support and nurturing.
The woman who takes in the Wounded Bird offer a serious, extremely exclusive and unwaveringly loyal love. She will actually “get off” on taking care of the sweet, innocent, needy little bird. She will build him up, nurse him back to health and always hold in her heart that one day this little Wounded Bird will grow strong (and grow up).
That he will eventually become the Soaring Eagle she has always know he CAN be.
And, she’s usually right. After years of emotional (and often financial) investment, one day that Wounded Bird realizes that he has re-cooperated fully. He spreads his wings, and they are glorious in width and grace. Full of bright color and permeating with confidence and anticipation. She watches his empowerment, continuing to encourage him with admiration and a heart full of pride. She actually feels blessed to have been a part of this beautiful transformation. She beams with love and a feeling of accomplishment because now this Wounded Bird believes in himself as much as she has always believed in him.
With his revived spirit and powerful belief in himself (as well as the continued support of his woman) this newly restored lttle bird, takes flight. He flies with awe and inspiration. Beautifully. Jubilantly. He remembers how good it feels to spread his wings.
To have complete freedom. To be a Soaring Eagle.
And without looking back, intentionally or not, this Soaring Eagle flies away.
And as he does, he shits all over the woman.
****I did not make up the theory of the Wounded Bird, I have no idea who did, but I’m happy to share this wisdom. And am happier to not be nursing any birds rights now.****
Sunday, November 2, 2008
How to handle my WhooHaa
Fellas, fellas, fellas! Why do you insist on punishing my vagina, as though it were an enemy of the state? Is all the jabbing and stretching really necessary? I recognize that this is simply your reaction to extreme excitement, and that is great. Really, we want you to get off! We love to see you all heated and flustered. But, have you not yet realized that this type of touching does not make us squirm because we like it. We are actually trying to wiggle away from your rough and wild fingers.
To your defense, we may be sending you mixed messages with our fantasies about you picking us up and throwing us against the wall while biting our neck. We do want you to be strong and powerful. We do want you to be commanding and domineering. We do want to you to be The Man. Because when you are The Man, we get to feel like The Lady.
So here is the advise:
Please exude manliness in all areas such as:
opening doors
protecting us from spiders
hanging shelves
sending flowers
choosing the wine
handling the business
bringing home the bacon
AND
Layin’ it down!
(Wink, Wink. Please do not confuse this commentary with the ridiculous idea that we want you to be wimpy in the bedroom. We do not.)
But please remember that we are delicate flowers.
When touching us downtown, do to us what WE do best.
Be a tease.
Use soft strokes of gliding gratitude.
Slow down enough to fully appreciate the tenderness of not only this region but of the current intimacy between us. Which is what will actually get us off.
Take gentle care of our sensitive spot, And remember.
The point in touching us below the belt is supposed to be for OUR pleasure.
If you promise to tickle our tutu,
We promise to jerk you around like a 1980’s Atari joystick.
Now, you'll have to excuse me as I must take matters into my own hands.
To your defense, we may be sending you mixed messages with our fantasies about you picking us up and throwing us against the wall while biting our neck. We do want you to be strong and powerful. We do want you to be commanding and domineering. We do want to you to be The Man. Because when you are The Man, we get to feel like The Lady.
So here is the advise:
Please exude manliness in all areas such as:
opening doors
protecting us from spiders
hanging shelves
sending flowers
choosing the wine
handling the business
bringing home the bacon
AND
Layin’ it down!
(Wink, Wink. Please do not confuse this commentary with the ridiculous idea that we want you to be wimpy in the bedroom. We do not.)
But please remember that we are delicate flowers.
When touching us downtown, do to us what WE do best.
Be a tease.
Use soft strokes of gliding gratitude.
Slow down enough to fully appreciate the tenderness of not only this region but of the current intimacy between us. Which is what will actually get us off.
Take gentle care of our sensitive spot, And remember.
The point in touching us below the belt is supposed to be for OUR pleasure.
If you promise to tickle our tutu,
We promise to jerk you around like a 1980’s Atari joystick.
Now, you'll have to excuse me as I must take matters into my own hands.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Women are thinking straight before sex and men are not, where as men are thinking straight after sex and women are not.
I may be starting to really like The Boss (The Lawyer must have dropped of the face of the earth) . I find myself thinking about him a lot. I want to see him a lot. I think about him a lot (wait, did I already say that). And when my phone rings I always hope it’s him.
Oh shit. How did this happen? From the mental perspective, I totally get it. But from the emotional perspective I’m all messed up. Usually I am the one who can keep cool. Who doesn’t get too worked up. My BFF has even called me mean because of how distant I can be. But here I am getting all mushy over some man that I have only been seeing for a few weeks.
Last night I noticed this irrational behavior, and decided to put a stop to it.
He had called, I was unavailable so I called back and he didn’t answer. I noticed myself checking the phone a few times in an hour and a half to see if I had any text messages or anything.
WTF... I need to pull myself together.
So when he calls (shortly after), I don’t answer and I don’t call back.
I really want to see him but instead go to bed reading “Why Men Love Bitches” .
Am I doing what I need to do to keep him interested?
Or am I just plain scared?
Oh shit. How did this happen? From the mental perspective, I totally get it. But from the emotional perspective I’m all messed up. Usually I am the one who can keep cool. Who doesn’t get too worked up. My BFF has even called me mean because of how distant I can be. But here I am getting all mushy over some man that I have only been seeing for a few weeks.
Last night I noticed this irrational behavior, and decided to put a stop to it.
He had called, I was unavailable so I called back and he didn’t answer. I noticed myself checking the phone a few times in an hour and a half to see if I had any text messages or anything.
WTF... I need to pull myself together.
So when he calls (shortly after), I don’t answer and I don’t call back.
I really want to see him but instead go to bed reading “Why Men Love Bitches” .
Am I doing what I need to do to keep him interested?
Or am I just plain scared?
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